The Almighty “What Have I Got Myself Into?” Moment

So, I finally did it. After months (or possibly years) of overthinking, googling, and mentally preparing myself with an unhealthy amount of Netflix escapism, I booked my first therapy session.

I went in expecting something profound, maybe a deep, life-changing realisation within the first hour. Maybe even instant relief, like a pressure valve releasing all my pent-up emotions. Surely, therapy was going to feel liberating, right?

Wrong.

Instead of walking out feeling enlightened, I left feeling like I’d been emotionally steamrolled. Suddenly, all these memories I’d carefully buried started bubbling to the surface, my emotions felt completely out of control, and my brain was screaming:

• Was I actually better off before therapy?
• Is this really working, or am I just breaking?
• Would it be socially acceptable to fake a relocation and ghost my therapist forever?

Before I let myself spiral completely, I discovered something that made me breathe a little easier, feeling worse before feeling better is actually a sign that therapy is working. Yes, you read that right. It turns out, therapy isn’t about immediate relief; it’s about doing the work, and that work is messy, uncomfortable, and sometimes downright annoying.

So, if you’re sitting there thinking I don’t know if I can do this, let’s talk about why therapy can feel like it’s making things worse, why that’s a good thing, and how to keep going even when every part of you wants to quit.

Why Does Therapy Make Me Feel Worse Before It Gets Better?

1. I’m Finally Facing Stuff I’ve Been Avoiding for Years

I used to think I was pretty good at handling my emotions. Turns out, I was just really good at avoiding them.

We all have our go-to emotional avoidance techniques, keeping busy, overworking, using humour to deflect, binge-watching an entire series in one sitting, or pretending that thing from ten years ago never happened.

Therapy, however, is the equivalent of flinging open a cupboard stuffed with years of emotional baggage, and guess what? Everything comes crashing down at once.

It’s exhausting. It’s uncomfortable. And it can feel like absolute chaos.

But here’s the thing, you can’t heal what you refuse to acknowledge. Therapy forces us to sit with emotions we’d much rather ignore, and while that’s tough in the moment, it’s the only way to truly move forward.

2. My Old Coping Mechanisms Are Falling Apart

For years, I had coping strategies that helped me survive, whether that was people-pleasing to keep the peace, shutting down emotionally to avoid pain, or keeping so busy that I never had to sit alone with my thoughts.

Then therapy came along and said, “Yeah… we’re going to work on that.”

Suddenly, my usual coping strategies weren’t as effective, and I felt like I was free-falling without a safety net. It was unnerving, but looking back, I can see that it was actually a turning point.

Why? Because outgrowing unhealthy patterns is progress. It may feel like I’m losing control, but what’s really happening is I’m learning new ways to cope, ones that actually support my healing rather than just help me survive.

3. The Emotional Floodgates Have Opened (And Now I’m Crying Over Spilled Tea)

Ever burst into tears over something ridiculously minor, like dropping something on the floor and thought, Well, that was dramatic?

Spoiler alert: it’s not about the thing you dropped.

Therapy has a way of cracking open emotions that have been locked away for years, which means that even small things can trigger big reactions. One moment, I’m talking about a past experience in a session, and the next, I’m sobbing in the supermarket because they ran out of my favourite biscuits.

Why? Because my nervous system is finally processing emotions that had been buried for so long. It’s an emotional detox, messy at first, but ultimately necessary for healing.

4. I’m Realising That Healing Takes Time (And I Hate That)

I won’t lie, I love a quick fix. I wanted to go to therapy, have one deep conversation, and leave as a fully healed, enlightened human.

Unfortunately, that’s not how this works.

Therapy isn’t a magic switch; it’s a gradual process of unlearning, healing, and rebuilding. And when all I want is to feel better now, it’s frustrating to be told to trust the process.

But here’s what I’ve learned:

• Healing isn’t about speed, it’s about depth.
• Small progress is still progress.
• One day, I’ll look back and realise I’m handling things differently, even if I don’t notice it right away.

How to Keep Going When Therapy Feels Too Hard

1. Remind Myself That Feeling Worse Means It’s Working

If therapy is stirring things up, it’s because it’s doing its job. The fact that I’m feeling things, even the difficult ones, means that I’m actively engaging with the process rather than just going through the motions.

It’s like cleaning out a wound, it stings at first, but that’s how it heals properly.

2. Talk to My Therapist (Even When I Want to Cancel)

Communicate With Your Therapist (Even If You Feel Like Cancelling)

Aaah, the sweet, sweet temptation of cancelling a therapy session. We’ve all been there. You book an appointment, full of good intentions, thinking Yes! I am ready for growth! I am ready to heal! Let’s do this! And then, the day arrives, and suddenly, you’d rather do literally anything else.

Maybe you start bargaining with yourself: Do I really need therapy today? I mean, I had a cup of tea and felt slightly better, so maybe I’m actually fine now? Or perhaps the classic: If I don’t open my emails, then technically I never received the appointment reminder…

Let’s be honest—when therapy starts getting real, it can feel a bit much. If you’ve ever found yourself hovering over the “Cancel” button or dramatically rehearsing excuses (“Oh no, I’ve just remembered I have a... thing… at that… place…”), you’re not alone.

But here’s the thing—if therapy is making you want to cancel, that’s probably a sign that you really need to go.

Why You Might Want to Ghost Your Therapist (And Why You Shouldn’t)

Therapy is weirdly counterintuitive at times. You go in expecting to feel better, and instead, you start feeling everything—sometimes things you weren’t quite ready to feel. It’s no wonder that after a particularly deep session, the idea of skipping the next one seems incredibly appealing.

So, why does this happen?

1. You’re Afraid of What Might Come Up

Let’s be honest, therapy unearths things. Not in a dramatic “archaeological dig of pain” kind of way (though, sometimes, yes), but in a “Oh dear, I did not realise that was still bothering me” kind of way.

Sometimes, after one session where you’ve opened up a little more than expected, you might think, Nope. That was enough vulnerability for the year, thank you very much.

Cancelling feels like self-preservation. But in reality, it’s like pausing a workout just as your muscles start getting stronger, uncomfortable in the moment, but part of the process.

2. You Don’t Want to Disappoint Your Therapist (Spoiler: You Won’t)

Some people worry that if they admit therapy is feeling difficult, they’ll somehow fail their therapist. As if there’s a secret therapist leader board where they rank clients based on their emotional progress.

Here’s the truth:
Your therapist wants you to be honest.
Your therapist doesn’t expect you to be perfect.
Your therapist literally chose this job knowing people would struggle.

Trust me, therapists are not sitting there expecting a gold-star performance from you. If anything, they’re expecting you to feel resistant, uncomfortable, and a little bit grumpy at times, because that’s completely normal.

3. You Feel Like You’re Not “Doing Therapy Right”

Ah, yes. The Am I Doing This Wrong? phase of therapy. If you’ve ever sat in a session, overthinking how you’re answering questions, wondering if your therapist secretly thinks you’re boring, or feeling like you should be having bigger, more dramatic breakthroughs, welcome to the club.

The truth is, there’s no “right” way to do therapy. Some sessions will feel productive. Others will feel like you spent 50 minutes staring at the carpet, talking about how much you hate traffic. Both are valid.

Cancelling because you think therapy isn’t “working” fast enough is like quitting a book halfway through because the plot hasn’t resolved yet. Give it time. You don’t have to have a life-altering epiphany every single session for it to be worthwhile.

Why Talking to Your Therapist About Wanting to Quit Is Actually a Good Move

Instead of ghosting your therapist (tempting, I know), try doing something revolutionary: talk to them about how you’re feeling.

It might sound terrifying, but here’s why it’s actually a great idea:

1. They Can Adjust the Pace

Therapy isn’t a race to emotional enlightenment. If it’s feeling too intense, your therapist can slow things down. You’re not expected to tackle every deep-rooted issue all at once, that’s a sure-fire way to burn out.

Some people need time to build trust. Some need lighter sessions mixed in with the heavier ones. All of this is okay. But your therapist can’t help you adjust the pace if they don’t know how you’re feeling.

2. Avoidance Fuels the Problem

Avoiding therapy when it gets difficult is like putting off going to the dentist because you suspect there’s a cavity. It doesn’t make the issue disappear—it just gives it more time to fester.

When you address why you’re feeling resistant, you take away some of its power. Sometimes, just saying “I’m struggling with therapy right now” is enough to ease the weight of it.

3. It Strengthens the Therapeutic Relationship

Opening up about your struggles with therapy itself is a form of therapy. It teaches you how to communicate discomfort, set boundaries, and express your needs. These are skills that can be game-changers in real life.

If therapy is feeling too intense, you don’t have to power through alone. Instead of cancelling, try saying:

• “I feel like therapy is making things worse right now, and I don’t know if I can handle it.”
• “I feel emotionally drained after sessions. Can we talk about pacing?”
• “I feel stuck, and I’m not sure what to do about it.”

A good therapist will help you navigate these feelings, not judge you for having them.

3. Practise Self-Care Between Sessions

Therapy can be draining, so it’s important to balance it with things that ground me.

Some things that help:
✔ Going for a walk in nature
✔ Journalling your thoughts, emotions and body sensations
✔ Engaging in creative activities (painting, music, writing etc…)
✔ Breathing exercises or mindfulness
✔ Keeping things light-hearted

Self-care isn’t just about candles and bath bombs (though, no judgement). It’s about allowing myself to rest, recharge, and process at my own pace.

4. Set Realistic Expectations

Therapy won’t erase my problems overnight. What it will do is help me navigate them differently.

I remind myself:
Some sessions will be hard
Progress might feel slow
Healing is not a straight line

But one day, I’ll look back and realise I’ve grown in ways I never expected.

Just Keep Going

If therapy is making me feel worse right now, it’s not because it’s failing. It’s because I’m actually doing the work.

Healing isn’t about avoiding pain, it’s about facing it, processing it, and learning how to move forward with resilience.

So even when I’m in the “What-have-I-done?” phase, I remind myself to keep going. Because one day, this won’t feel so hard. One day, the things that once felt unbearable won’t control me anymore.

And that day will be worth every difficult session.

So, I take a deep breath, book my next appointment, and trust that I’m already on my way to something better.